Friday, June 17, 2005

Information Puts Us In Formation

I was sitting there motionless with an IV hanging out of my arm with some sort of dye coursing through my veins...the valium already having kicked in...and the loud thumping, drumming of the MRI assaulting both my ears and my tense body, and it was in that moment that I had this incredible (yet fleeting) glimpse of clarity.

Truth is immutable. By its very nature, it just is what it is.

So, like I said, I was laying there having this MRI and wondering what the machine was seeing and what it would all 'mean' when I find out the results. Then clear as day, I realized that the reading of the results changes nothing.

I am exactly the same now as I was 4 hours ago before I went in.

However, the information I receive will put me in formation -- I will be lined up differently because I will have a new relationship with the truth. My perspective may outlook may mood may change...but the truth remains the same. The change will be in how I either embrace what I hear...deny it, process it, claim it, fight it, resist it, or ignore it. And regardless of how many ever of those positions I take...the truth will remain what it is. The pictures won't move around and amend themselves for my comfort or for my edification or for my clarification. In fact, those pictures will be exactly what they are whether or not anyone even reads them.

Nothing is different in me now than it was 4 hours ago. And nothing in me will be different on Monday when I find out what they see.

But how I line I get in formation with regard to that information...that will be the real result.

(Now you have to admit...that's pretty darn good for a chick loaded on valium & having had an IV drip for 5 days. If only I could have moments of clarity and profundity on my normal days!)


At 6:29 PM, Blogger Vavoom said...

Gosh, I really hope your results turn out for the best. Being open to the outcome, whatever it is, will keep your mind at ease. That's far easier said than done, but I've often found that useful.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger Whit said...

Perhaps it is a drug induced bravado, but let the results be the results. The worst part has just been the waiting and being at the mercy of the doctors and their time frames for calling with more information, and the physical toll that the meds have taken on my body (trying to fix the presenting problem that wasn't quite so bad in retrospect! ha ha)

It will all be I said in the post. Nothing really changes...just how I relate to the information will change. (That's simplistic, but it's working for me right now.)

At 7:37 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Hope all is well, Whit!

Good to see you back blogging.
Would love to get in touch with you, just for some chit-chat!
I enjoy the way your write.


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