Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Missing Peace

I have been absent from blogsville for the past few weeks, and have revisited my old standbys last night and this evening to catch up a little bit.
One of those blog writers mentioned how he 'finds' Serenity, and it struck home.
I honestly can't recall a time in recent months when my soul has been at Peace.
And having to actually write down that statement makes me incredibly sad. I don't know what's changed. I don't know where along the way I crowded out Peace, because if I did I would most certainly backtrack to that time and rescue it from the ditch where I discarded it.
Since I read that post earlier tonight, I have been especially uneasy. Realizing that in a relatively short time, I have forgotten how to relax. I have forgotten how to have fun with abandon. I have forgotten what it is like not to be consumed with worry. Angst is the fuel that propels my day.
Tomorrow I am taking the day off to spend with my kids before they return to school. And instead of looking forward to it, and I making out a mental list of all the other things I should be doing. I am wringing my hands over the things that couldn't get done today because of horrific technical problems at my office. I am anxious about an important trip I am making next week. I am fretting about what all needs to be done before we go on our family outing in the morning. I am nervous about meeting with all the new soccer parents at our first team meeting tomorrow night. I am second-guessing my purchase decision on the kid's portraits -- too many? Not the right ones? Should I go to bed now and get more sleep? Should I stay awake a little longer and try to unwind? And on and on and on...
I am mad at myself that I can't just let it go.
And then I sit here and think that if I were Peace and Serenity, I wouldn't want to be around me either! Perhaps I didn't abandon Peace. Perhaps it ran away as fast as it could to join up with Serenity who wised up long ago and got the heck out of this mad, mad world.
Anyway, if you see Peace and Serenity...tell them they are missed.


At 4:34 AM, Blogger Bill said...

Whit - I feel your pain... I've had those same types of, overwhelming and consumming 'worries' myself at times in my life.

You'll get through this, and you'll find the peace and serenity you miss. Today, try to focus on the kids, the fun you have together, you may just find that all that other 'stuff' just slips away.

and... thanks for the well wishes!

At 5:15 AM, Blogger Beth said...

From a fellow taskmaster, we sound a lot alike. I plan out my days. There are spurts of the unexpected though and that's the part that keeps me feeling "okay". I hope you have a great, relaxing, peace-filled day off with the children!

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Trevor Record said...

Welcome back to blogville Whit. I hope you start feeling at ease soon.

At 7:24 PM, Blogger mal said...

Whit, I go thru bouts of that also. Some times just need to close your eyes, take a few breaths and clear your mind. Not easy but keeping at it helps. *S*

When that does not work I go exercise to exhaustion *G*

Thanks for visiting my blog

At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Whitney!

I love you. And that's all I wanted to say.


At 3:13 PM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...


You are not alone. We all feel as if at times we hold on too tight for our own good. I like to THINK I let go, but when being honest, I can see that I am holding on and going down with my guns blazing.
Who does this hurt the most? Me, of course.

Letting go is a process. It is a surrender, and it is a lesson in learning to TRUST God.

Be well, my friend.

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Bill said...

Whit - Where have you vanished to? We miss ya, hope you come back soon!


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