Wednesday, August 10, 2005

On the Job...No wait, "IN" the Job Training

No, this post is not about my career.
This is a sort of explanation of where I have been hiding out the past few weeks.
In the book of Job.

That's a book in the Old Testament in which an affluent and by society's standards successful man was stripped of his health, his wealth and his family and he continued to choose to turn to God.

It's funny because a friend of mine had pointed me toward the Psalms to find some peace during this turbulent time I an navigating. And while there are some extraordinarily beautiful passages in Psalms, I found David to be way too manic for my current state of mind! ha ha He might be lamenting his terrible fate in one phrase, and then in the very next exalting the Most High God! Oh how I wish I could consistently offer praise even when I am downcast, but I honestly have to say that I don't.

So, I flipped back a few pages to Job. Ahh, yes, here's a figure from the Bible I can identify with. There's nothing manic about him...he is consistently down. In the dumps. Skid row. Gutter bound emotionally. He's run into some hard times, and he goes straight to God with his situation. And then he's got these three friends who in their attempts to "cheer him up" essentially tell him that anybody with THIS MANY problems must have done something to deserve it. And yet Job comes right back at them and says...tell me what I've done that anyone else here hasn't done. I stand as righteous as anyone, so if this is what has befallen me, by your own reasoning you better watch out, too, because it's coming your way. And he lays it all out to God and asks Him why this is all happening. He understands that God knows his heart anyway and knows what he is feeling, so he doesn't make any pretenses about how unhappy he is with the way things are going!

What I love about Job, though, is that there seems to be a new little nugget each time I pick it up. A couple of weeks ago, one of our pastors asked me how I was doing, and I said that I really didn't have a response. Later that night when picking up where I had left off in my reading, I came across a verse that just nailed it for me. It goes something like this "It doesn't matter whether I talk about it or whether I keep it to myself. I am simply worn out."

Is that not the best verse ever!? It exactly captures where I have been the last few weeks and perhaps why I have not really had anything to post. Because there was nothing I could talk about that would assuage my desire to be understood or to express myself or to simply purge myself of mixed emotions.

Anyway, sometimes our silence isn't because we don't have anything to say. Sometimes it is because we have to make an 'either/or' decision in an instance where we have a 100% chance of not making any difference. And in those instances, I am learning that sometimes I would just rather err on being silent.

This time, I suppose I am seeing what happens when I err on speaking out.
Sometimes we just have to say "You know what, God? I am simply worn out."
Job did.
And in the end...
well, you'll have to find out for yourself.


At 11:02 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...


I am stopping by to tell you that I hope you are feeling well. How is your health.

Continued blessings and good thoughts coming your way.



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