Measure Twice...Cut Once
Isn't that the adage? Measure twice, cut once. Doing otherwise might cost a length of fabric or lumber.
In my case, this refers to words.
Measure my words twice...cut someone to the bone once.
It's a defense mechanism, I admit.
I use my words as a weapon to cut someone to the bone. Leaving them there terminally wounded without blood ever having spilled. It may be hours or days before they realize that I have shredded them with such precision.
Well, fortunately, I've shrugged off that bad habit. For the most part, anyway.
I do try to use my gift of gab for encouragement...
But alas, there are those days when I forget to measure,
And I simply begin cutting.
Today was one of THOSE days.
One of THOSE phone calls.
One of THOSE times when someone made the error of crossing my path when I was in no mood to cede the right of way (I had the right-of-way, by the way), or for that matter, share the road at all. All the while saying the 'cordial' thing, I found myself slipping into that caustic tone that erodes and slices through whatever it touches.
And then I felt bad.
I always do.
Why do we do that? Why do we go back to bad habits that serve no purpose except to make us feel incredibly horrible later on, and then we spend twice as much time being remorseful.
Would it not have been easier for me to measure first? Perhaps not cut at all?
Earlier today, I heard a very wise man say, "It is not my place to be offended. It is my place to seek out reconciliation."
Ouch, that cuts to MY very core.Measured words from man of measure.
He died not too terribly long after uttering that.
Too bad he was cut down in his prime.
CineMARK MY WORDS...
We took our 6-yr-old son to see Fantastic Four tonight at a Cinemark theater.
Got good seats...went and did our bathroom break BEFORE the movie.
Popcorn, sodas...ready to go!
And then the previews started.
YIKES!
Who in the heck though that some scary slasher movie "Cry Wolf" would be an appropriate preview for a theatre full of families and their elementary aged children! I immediately put my hands over my son's face, and he didn't bother disagreeing with my move. The imagery will probably give even me nightmares tonight.
THEN...well, holy cow...the Transporter 2 trailer came on, and both my husband and I at the same time reached over to cover his little eyes...again, no resistance from him.
(And you have to know, this is a fairly edgy kid who loves Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Indiana Jones...and he had his ears covered on his own, and welcomed our covering his eyes.)
Well, I was just appalled at the selection of trailers for this film. Mercy, I have concluded that just from the trailer for Bad News Bears that our family won't be going to see it...I had to explain too much stuff just from the preview that I would rather not have to explain.
Why is it that Hollywood can't take a beloved kids' book or show and make it into another beloved KIDS' show? Why do that have to inject it with inuendo and crass language and vulgarity? They say it's what kids want...but parents are the one bankrolling those trips to the movie, so I
refuse to send my kids to see that
refuse.
To this day I have a hard time explaining to my kids why we didn't see and will never see The Cat in the Hat with Mike Meyers. All I could figure out to say was that while we love the book dearly, the people who made the movie put inappropriate words and actions in it, and it is no longer the story that we cherish...it would make us sad to see what they did to Dr. Seuss's story.
When we left, we went out the nearest exit, but I told my husband over dinner that I would be calling the manager tomorrow to let them know how disgusted I was with the trailer selection before that movie.
I also plan on writing a letter to Paramount Pictures to tell them how disappointed I am in their choice to downgrade the Bad News Bears to a vehicle for cliche bad jokes, kids doing inappropriate things for laughs, and making a drunken womanizer the ultimate hero.
Which brings me back to the Fantastic Four.
Critics panned it.
We loved it.
One bad word (which our kids have heard at least once in their life!)
Campy film that 'knew what it was' and did it well.
Endearing characters...fun super powers...an element of a moral to the story...good, clean fun!
Just too bad that Cinemark chose to mar an otherwise entertaining family outing by showing those inappropriate trailers to a room full of kids and families. Appalling.
Yes, mark my words...
You mark them, because it is probable that they will fall on deaf ears at Cinemark.
Who, Being Loved, Is Poor?
Who, being loved, is poor?
- Oscar Wilde. Irish poet, dramatist, novelist and critic, 1854-1900Interestingly enough, I just logged on this morning to check my hotmail account. I had the typical solicitous email from Williams Sonoma, Kitchen Specialists, and get rich quick scheme that could make me thousands weekly. But there were two seemingly unrelated emails -- one a subscription email, and the other from a friend who wouldn't normally email me individually -- that are inextricably linked. Divine coincidence.
The first email was from a 'quote of the day' source, and the one above happened to be the one for the day.
It's a beautiful thought isn't it? Here at the weekend, we reflect back over the previous week, wring our hands about the bills we have accumulated (okay, I'm particularly wringing my hands about medical bills and the traffic ticket my husband paid off), and then looking forward to payday next Friday. And the image of payday a full week away is like the sci-fi show where you're standing in a hallway with a door at the end and 2-3 doors on either side of you, and then quickly the hall extends to where you can barely make out the door at the end, and the walls on either side of you have 20+ doors...it seems like you couldn't reach the end even in a full sprint! Ahh, I digress, but that's my point exactly. It is SO easy to be consumed with the day-to-day 'have-to's' and obligatins of life that we so often (more often than I'd care to) become preoccupied with the things of this world. Yes, the
things of this world.
Let me move to the other email...
I am part of an amazing drama team which is part of a larger worship & arts team at my church. I find myself among some incredibly gifted and talented actors, actresses, musicians, vocalists, directors, writers, dancers...Suffice it to say, my paultry vocabulary doesn't do them or their Benefactor justice. But beyond the individual and collective artistic talents of the group, something else that sets them apart is their willingness to boldly and spontaneously pray for one another. (I know, I know...I'm supposed to be talking about the OTHER email...I'm getting there.) So, in my inbox, I see an email from a fellow actor witha subject line that leads me to believe that one of us is in need of prayer, and I open it. Hmmm, addressed only to me. Perhaps he used the bcc feature so that we don't get everyone else's email address. But then I start reading, and realize that it IS only to me.
Dear sweet 'A' was writing a note to let me know that he had been let in on the details of my recent medical trials and tribulations and was just checking in to let me know that while he didn't want to pry, he certainly wanted to let me know that he was praying for me and thinking of me as I embark on this journey.
Bills? What bills?
Troubles? What troubles?
With that one note, I was immediately overwhelmed and flooded with the reminder that I am so completely embraced by family and friends who desire nothing more than to pour into me and to support me. Checking account and payday? Yeah, that stuff will have to be dealt with. Those troubles come and go. Too many obligations in one week making me feel like a stiff piece of saltwater taffy stuck between two maniacs...yes those weeks happen, too. Children who for some reason go into a state of mind where they think it's so funny to be cantankerous and obstinant...why DO they do that? A tooth starts acting like an abcess in the middle of the rest of my body falling apart...how does it know? And the list goes on and on and on...
Yes, the mundane details of life will continue to crash in on me, but I have to agree with Oscar on this one...
Who, being loved, is poor?
In Wilde's economy, I am the William Randolph Hearst of the block.
Everybody's Doing It
Call it jealousy...blog envy, if you will.
But I have found myself wanting to take on edgier topics on my blog thinking I might get a little more traffic.
After all, everyone else is doing it.
The fact of the matter is, though...
That's not me.
I am not comfortable doing it, and I would make myself a nervous wreck taking on the 'headlines' everyday and providing my own commentary. (Not that I don't have opinions, mind you, but everyone has those. Not everyone wants to know everyone else's opinion, though.)
Nope, I guess I will plod along noting the little insights and lessons that I learn in everyday life. The headlines will get their own play and will unfold as they will without my sticking my nose in it. And yes, policy and decisions and world events do and will continue to affect me -- and I like reading about them and seeing what other people have to say. But the things that will make a difference long term are how I deal with myself and the people around me. No one can make my personal journey through life except for me, and I would be remiss not to learn a lesson or two along the way and incorporate them.
I'm not on any big mission here to change the world, or influence public policy, or solve the problems of humanity. I'm not posting to convert anyone to Christianity, although if they ask, I will tell them what I believe. But again, that's not a decision or belief that I can impose on anyone -- have to believe it for yourself. I'm not even here to unburden my mind of what's troubling me! Every once in awhile though, I have a thought and think that it might, just perhaps, resonate with someone else. And if it doesn't..well, then, so be it. No harm, no foul.
So, if you are one of the 3-4 people who visit this site (and if there are more lurking, please post! I want to hear from you), just know that for the most part that I'm pretty conversational...don't get into terribly controversial stuff...am not looking to find myself or define my own identity...
I'm just looking to find the neat little gems that happen in life...admit when I blow it...be thankful when something fun happens...and pose the questions that seem to come up again and again.
(And just who is "everybody" anyway?)
What A Difference A Day Makes
I can't explain it.
I absolutely have no idea how one day can be so different than the next.
Yesterday (Monday...ahh, perhaps that was it), I just was in a constant state of 'overwhelmed' and felt like I was a half-step behind all day. It didn't matter how hard I tried to catch up or move things off my to-do list, I simply felt like I was trudging through mud all day. Like those bad dreams where you are running and your legs simply won't move...it was like that.
And then today, I woke up dreading another day like yesterday. But I pulled myself out of bed (after having a late night out with my girlfriends), determined that I would attack the to-do list once more.
But today, instead of trudging through that unforgiving proverbial mud, it was as though I was on one of those moving walkways at the big airports that transport you along...and you choose whether to let it do all the work, or you walk on it as it's moving and get there even faster. I mean, I was knocking stuff off my to-do list, taking on all new comers via email, answering the phone, editing documents, and creating flow charts. Heck, I even had time to yuck it up with a radio host and do some real business...plus just scored some 'good vibe' points with the media. (I was indeed in rare form with regard to my quickwhit and wry humor, if I do say so myself.)
So what was different today?
I'm switching to decaf coffee, so that wasn't really a factor. Cup a joe isn't my jump start.
Had less sleep last night than usual...even for me. (Perhaps I was just giddy.)
The barrage of email and phone calls was no different today...in fact, it was probably more.
And yikes, I even just realized a few minutes ago that I didn't take any of my vitamins, minerals, supplements or meds today!
So what was different today?
The only thing that I can think of that was different is that as I lay in bed this morning contemplating the day, I
made up my mind to hit it head on. To take it on and damn the torpedos.
Wow...what a difference a day makes.
Blog Mirrors Life Mirrors Blog
Every experience is an opportunity to learn a lesson...if only we will take note of it, and examine what it reveals about ourself and about how we interact with others.
I've noticed on a few other blogs that the question continues to come up about "who we are" on the blogs. I have come to the realization that I am ME -- In fact, I SCREAM 'ME' on my blog both in what I write...and what I don't. But more than that, not only is the way that I 'behave' on the blogs a direct reflection of how I am in life, it is also an opportunity for me to learn and express lessons that I learn in life...and for me to take a third-person look back at myself.
I just got about 1/3 of the way through a post when I realized that I would never post it. So I scrapped it, completely. While the purpose of it was simply to point out a life lesson that I have learned recently, I became fearful that friends would read it, put together who the characters in the story were, and then it would get back to that individual and there would be hurt feelings. That was not my intention at the outset, but if there was any chance of offending someone, then I'd rather it just not be published. When the truth of the matter is, the same thing has happened probably 7-8 times since the original incident, so it really wasn't directed at one specific person. Of course, this is not anything I would SAY to a person, so why in the world would I write it.
Aha -- real-life personality reflected in my personal blog etiquette.
So instead of giving the background, I will write the lesson in a nutshell here:
1) Don't ask a question of a personal nature in front of other people or in front of that person's children if the potential answer could be 'not good news.' If the outcome is good -- they will let you know! If the outcome is not good news, then you may be asking for painful and personal information in front of people whom the person would rather not know the details. So just as I wouldn't expose someone's offense in a public setting on a blog for fear of upsetting them, I would expect that others exercise the same courtesy by not exposing something personal in a public setting...no matter how well-meaning it started out.
I have also found that there are things that I am highly combative about, and other things where I would just rather crawl under a rock than to be confrontational. This is certainly true of my life outside the blogosphere -- And I have found that to be true in my blog, as well. There are topics and issues where I can rant on endlessly, and yet there are other topics that I simply will not broach because they are not where I care to spend my mental energy. One of those being politics. Don't get me wrong, I have strong and adamant opinions on politics and read and listen quite a bit about what is going on in the world. However, I have found that I do not care to post on other blogs that are intensely partisan, not necessarily political...but partisan. Those who post emphatically for or against the administration have my admiration in that they will step out on what they believe. That said, it is not MY style nor inclination. I believe what I believe...it is not immutable, but it is quite steadfast. I will not expend my mental energy and turn my brain inside out trying to 'convert' someone who clearly has no interest in listening to the counterpoints of the opposing side (both sides included here). To try and 'convince' a die-hard Bush hater that there are good and worthy elements in his policy is to expend time and energy equivalent to the pursuit of boiling the ocean.
And lo and behold, I tend to shy away from conversations or blog exchanges that are infused with emotion from both sides where there is clearly not a discussion but more of a dumping ground for opinion and justification of said opinion (from both sides).The second lesson here that I've learned is:
2) Sometimes it is healthy and imperative to take the position of "Why bother?"
And the third lesson, I will state before I give the explanation:
3) The longer you are away from something, the harder it is to reweave it into the fabric of your life.
This is true with blogging, for sure. I have been away from blogging for a few weeks, and it was difficult to start a new post. It is true with housecleaning. The longer you wait to do the laundry, the more overwhelming it is...same with cleaning the bathroom, organizing the closet, cleaning the shower, or putting away odds and ends. (And let's not discuss the state of the garage...it's just too painful. In fact, I am considering renting a bulldozer just to get a fresh start.) And of course, it is especially true in relationships. The longer that you hold someone at arm's length, the more inclined those people are going to be to never come closer than arm's length. It's like the science tests with the rats in the maze where there is a clear barrier between them and the cheese. And after so many attempts of banging into the glass to get the cheese, they won't even try to go near it even after the glass partition has been removed. They have been 'trained' that no matter how hard they try that they will never get there. If I were to take inventory of my relationships I wonder how many have been short changed because of the glass partitions I put up -- people are able to 'see' me, but not able to have a relationship with me, and then they give up trying.
The interesting thing about the third lesson is that it is in direct contrast to lesson #2.
So again, blogosphere is a direct parallel to life. There are lessons that we learn that seem so concrete at times, only to learn a lesson a second later that exposes it as a house of cards. Perhaps that is the lesson for today...
